The real me.

I was watching on my DVR a new show called "Huge" on ABC family, a drama about the emotional roller coaster of kids gong through fat camp. While at camp, one girl lost her journal. She was freaking out that someone would find it and know all her deep dark vulnerable secrets. I couldn't help but think, I would feel the same way! Ever since I was little I have kept journals to vent about my everyday life. And the thought of someone reading them one day scares me!

But then again, I blog. I know, how is that any different? I supposed because it's censored. And trust me, there have been a few blog entries I didn't blog, mostly because I had turned them more into a journal entry than a blog entry.

Watching "Huge", as I panicked with the girl if someone was going to find her innermost thoughts, I kept thinking, what is the real fear of why we are so afraid of someone knowing our innermost thoughts? Is it because we are afraid of being known? Is it because we are afraid of being criticized for our honesty, or perhaps with a blog, our bravery to put private thoughts out there in a public medium? Or is it because if someone were to see all the ugly things we think in our head that we just need to vent about sometimes, that they would think the real us is in fact ugly too?

What I loved about how the story tied up in the show was... yes, someone found her journal, and in an attempt to figure out who it belonged to, a guy opened to the first page. There he read a poem the girl had written in her journal. The guy then turned it into lost and found, and the girl got her journal back. But then the guy entered a talent show where he had written a song based on the girl's poem. The girl was humiliated and ran out the door. Then the guy found her and she yelled at him for reading her journal.

And the next line stuck out to me.......

He said, "Would you calm down long enough to realize I wrote the song based on your poem because I LOVED it."

He loved it.

She just stood there stunned, and speechless with a face that shockingly said, "Wait, what? He LOVED what I wrote?"

He wasn't criticizing her honest thoughts. He was embracing it. He was giving her permission to simply be... herself. And that he loved her real self that was expressed in the poem.

I feel like in a lot of ways, that's what this blog has been for me the past 4 or so years I've been keeping it. Though, no, I never put EVERYTHING out there, I have put a lot over the years. And yet, you have embraced... me. You have written supportive comments, you have shared private emails and your hearts in response. And sure, with anything positive, there have been the negative ones too. But overall, there have been more friends than foes, and I just want to thank you for following my journey, and for allowing me to be... me.

With that said, another photographer recently asked me, "Why have you stopped putting so much personal stuff on your blog, I miss that!"

I do admit, I've held back the past 6 months or so from writing a lot of personal stuff. I used to feel the need to reveal probably more than I should have, but now being engaged, I see how I'm changing. My life is less on the internet, and more focused on the reality in front of me. And while I used to think in my head as things happened in everyday life "I'm totally blogging this," now I think more "This is amazing, I'm totally cherishing this, privately."

Maybe it's part of growing up and turning 30 this coming Christmas that I've become more private, maybe it's because I'm engaged and crazy busy planning a wedding, maybe it's because my business has also become busier than ever, maybe it's all of the above.

But for those who have stuck around on this blog, or if you are new.... thank you for being here.

I encourage you to take a step forward to be yourself today. You might be surprised who actually finds the real you beautiful. God made you wonderfully and beautifully exactly in His image. I embrace who you were created to be. Now look in the mirror and do the same. :-)


"I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way.
What you have done is wonderful.
I know this very well."
~Psalm 139:14