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Jacksonville Senior Photographer // Scarlett Lillian Seniors: Being held.

Feb 4, 2010

Being held.

"This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held"

~"Held" by Natalie Grant

It's days like today I wish my dad was still here.

As I sit here on the eve of hosting my very first workshop, that little girl part of me just wants to run into my dad's arms and have him give me one of his pep talks like his basketball coach used to do for him before each of his State Championship games. Whenever doubts and fears and nervousness would creep into my head before taking new risks in my business, I knew I could visit or call up my dad and he would be ready to tell me to get over it and go kick butt.

Today I want so bad to call him up and say "Ahhhhhh my workshop is tomorrow. Any fatherly advice?"
Today I want to lean across the kitchen counter for one of our business talks and soak up his wisdom.
Today I want to look him in the eye and say "Remember that crazy dream I had of hosting a workshop one day, well, it's happening!"
Today I want to thank him for believing in me and all my crazy dreams.
Today I just want to be held in the embrace of his hug feeling that strength that only a father can give.

I love the picture above that my mom took of him and I when I was a baby. From a technical point of view, it's bad lighting and you can barely see him in the picture. But what I love so much about the picture is what you can see are his hands holding me.

Protecting me.

Keeping me safe and close to his heart.

But what I love more about this picture is the picture this paints of my Heavenly Father's love. This past year as I've struggled to keep walking my journey with out my earthly father, God has been redefining His relationship with me to know Him more intimately as my true Father. To truly understand that He's not a distant God, but a loving Father holding me close, protecting me and keeping me safe just as my earthly father did. That God is a Father who doesn't just say "Good morning Sunshine" like my dad used to, but a Father who rises the sunshine each morning so that I might have another day to see the beauty He has created in this world and document it with my camera.

As I approach the one-year anniversary of when my dad passed, I've been reflecting a lot on how much has changed in the past year through the adversity of having my world turned upside down. As I listened to Beth Moore in my car the other day, she summed it up perfectly:

"Our trust in God reverses the detours of adversity into highways of destiny. Suddenly we realize that the things we thought were detours, that was one of the most important things that ever happened to me in leading to my calling."

Had I had the choice, sure, I would have detoured away from the loss, but instead, I choose to trust that as much as I will never understand the purpose in the loss, I do trust that my Heavenly Father does, and that it is all part of His greater plan for His greater glory. That the purpose is not to understand why we must go through adversity, but the purpose is to simply be held as we go through it.



Anonymous Katie Whitcomb said...

Your dad would be so proud of you, Scarlett!!! I've never been taught that your feelings were okay to share with the world. You so boldly put your fears and insecurities out there. You have such an amazing testimony to share to world and I am so honored to be blessed by your words.

Good luck tomorrow and I pray that one day, our paths will cross so I can give you the hug that I wish I could you right now.

February 4, 2010 at 2:09 PM  
Blogger Allie Brooke said...

You will be so fabulous for your first workshop tomorrow Scarlett! Wish I could attend! Your friends are all so very proud of how far you have come... I know he is looking down and will be with you there tomorrow also. (congrats on getting Ms. W. also! She is a sweetheart! You will have a blast!)

February 4, 2010 at 2:11 PM  
Anonymous Jen Shannon said...

Oh Scarlett! I'm so sorry he can't be here to hold you and encourage you in your new jourey. I can't help but get choked up reading it. It's so special. I'm so glad you've been able to lean on our Heavenly father for everything that you can't get from your father anymore. Press on! God loves you and will always take care of you.

Good luck with your workshop tomorrow! You've come a super long way and have done a tremendous job making a name for yourself. Break a lens!

February 4, 2010 at 2:14 PM  
Blogger 6pack said...

You have touched my life this week in a few different ways!!! first, I watched your interview Dane Sanders and had some great "I get it" moments!!!! and then this post, Lovely and full of fatherly sweetness. I will be praying for you all weekend!! Reflect His glory!!!

February 4, 2010 at 2:18 PM  
Blogger Kellie said...

Amen. Needing to read this today...sharing those tears with you.

February 4, 2010 at 2:19 PM  
Anonymous Elizabeth Bowdren said...

Beautiful post Scar! I am so excited for you in your workshop endeavors!! What an accomplishment!! So proud and happy for you....

Love you much!

February 4, 2010 at 2:21 PM  
Anonymous Lindsya Branch said...

This was beautiful!!! It gave me chill bumps as I read it. Your dad is so very proud of you :) I admire your strong faith in our Heavenly Father!! Thank you for sharing this!!

February 4, 2010 at 2:42 PM  
Anonymous Mallory said...

Scarlett! I just started following your blog recently, and I LOVE your relationship with God, and how your not ashamed or embarrassed by it. Reading this post made me think of a sermon at a church I was visiting a couple of weeks ago; the Pastors message was based off the fact that all of us get to those points in our lives where we feel empty, and lost, and feel like we are alone. After his message he played this clip from the Lion King; and I will never watch the Lion King the same way! It's really touching looking at it from a religious aspect. I hope you like it as much as I did!


I know you will do amazing tomorrow! I will be praying for you. :)

February 4, 2010 at 2:45 PM  
Blogger Scarlett Lillian said...

BIG HUG to everyone!

Mallory- I totally just watched that Lion King clip and cried and laughed at the same time. Gosh, I haven't seen it since 6th grade, I need to go back and watch that movie now that I'm in Simba's place. Thanks for sharing the clip! :-)

February 4, 2010 at 3:08 PM  
Blogger Regina White said...

I don't always comment on your blog but I'm always looking. But today as I read these words from you my heart melted. Your father would and is and will always hold you close, he will always know you are doing what your meant to do and that he never has doubted your ability to be a strong women with dreams that have come true. I so wish I could be a lucky one and take your workshop. Your going to do great. Be blessed.

February 4, 2010 at 3:22 PM  
Anonymous Renee Camacho said...

I can relate to how you feel completely! I lost my father when I was 20 of brain cancer right before entering art school for photography (my dad's dream)! I remember working SOOOO hard on this photography project..making sure it was soooo perfect and when I got an A on it I remember a moment I had driving home thinking....gosh this REALLLY sucks that he isn't hear to see this proud moment...and completely sobbing all the way home...I always think,, I wonder what he would say about my website? or my blog posts if he could read them?? A father-daughter relationship is sooo special and when you said that you have "struggled to keep walking your journey" five years later I still struggle with that... I think that because you have drawn closer to God you have found that peace within and you are just trusting the process which is great. I suppose its never to late to get to know god and put trust in him...right?~!

You will do awesome with your workshop! You know that everything you do is amazing and I feel this weekend you will bring your father's love and passion to the group..!!

February 4, 2010 at 3:25 PM  
Blogger liza jane said...

Hi Scarlett. I discovered your blog recently and its become one of my favorites. Your photography is beautiful... and you have a heart that matches it. I love coming here, because I feel like I'm getting to know you through your posts. Thank you for sharing! And I know thats how the people coming to your workshop will feel also. I'm jealous of them! :) I'm also a photographer with a life goal of following hard after Jesus. I also love it that you share Him so openly!

February 4, 2010 at 7:25 PM  
Blogger Judi B. said...

Not only are you a fantastic photographer but you are an awesome writer as well. Straight from the heart. I love it! Thanks for sharing your story with us and thanks for bringing such glory to our Heavenly Father! Your message is a timely one indeed. We were all created to fulfill a special purpose in life and were given the talents needed to accomplish those things. But we often must endure certain challenges before we learn to fully embrace our divine destiny. You were created to do great things in life and I am delighted to be able to watch as you take another step toward that greatness with your workshops. Go get 'em girl!

February 5, 2010 at 12:43 AM  
Anonymous Vanessa said...

A beautiful picture and a beautiful post; exactly what I needed to hear to start my day. Thanks so much for sharing your heart for Him. Love to you!

February 5, 2010 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger mrs.leah.maria said...

I'm new to you and your blog, but this post is so compellingly beautifully written. I commend you and will be praying for you.

February 5, 2010 at 3:24 PM  
Anonymous Cathy Ann Erickson said...

Aww beautifully said. I know it's hard, missing your Dad. I'm sure he is smiling down at you and being proud as ever telling you he knew you could do it. Sending you hugs and wishing you a fantastic workshop. You'll do fantastic! See you again soon at the WPPI.
xoxo, Cathy Ann Erickson

February 6, 2010 at 1:03 AM  
Anonymous Sarah Tolson said...

Love that song and love this post. :)

February 11, 2010 at 7:08 PM  

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