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Jacksonville Senior Photographer // Scarlett Lillian Seniors: Unplugging.
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Aug 23, 2009

Unplugging.

This past week, I attended a Christian women's photographer's retreat in Oregon called Be Thou My Vision. I didn't take the first picture because I didn't bring my camera. I didn't take my laptop to distract myself with editing or emails. (Ok, I did take my iPhone just in case). But it was so great to just unplug and go spend time with God and seek His will for the next chapter in my life and business. All I took was my bible, my prayer journal, and a few devotional books (and, well, clothes of course), and I realized it was the first time in long time that I simply allowed myself to slow down and.... breathe.

And to cry.

I mean like one of those long hard cries. The kind where everything you have been bottling up comes spilling out. All the hurt you've been harboring. All the hurt you realize you caused others. All the fears and doubts and insecurities and ways you've realized you've been selfish and self-centered. All the regrets and ways you know you've messed up in trying to obey the Lord and seek His best, yet keep slipping up again and again trying to numb the pain. All the things you want to be mad at God about, but yet you are trying with everything inside of you to keep trusting that "everything works together for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28)

The last night there, we had an hour of worship, and when the song by Kari Jobe below came on, it just so expressed that place where I'm at in life right now:

Here before your altar
I am letting go of all I've held
Of every motive, every burden
Everything that's of myself

And I just want to wait on You, my God
I just want to dwell on who You are

Beautiful, beautiful
Oh, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, beautiful
Oh Lord You're beautiful to me



As I shared with the girls as we circled the room with our prayer requests, it's so hard being in this place where I feel like I'm starting all over again, on my own. Not just relationship wise, but business wise, I feel these shifts happening where God is shaking things up to grow my business in new ways, and it's just a culmination of that fear of the unknown in all areas of my life, though at the same time I'm excited about new visions for the future He gave me at the retreat. And in the past six months, there's a been a shift in our relationship because I've had to almost learn who God truly is as my Heavenly Father now that my own father is gone. It's all new, it's all scary.... and though I don't know what lies ahead, I do know this is exactly where God wants me, where He wants you, each day, dependent on Him, continuing to wait and dwelling on who He is... beautiful.




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8 Comments:

Blogger charla BLUE said...

WOW! That was beautiful! Thanks for sharing. So bummed I couldn't make the retreat. Maybe next year?

August 23, 2009 at 5:03 PM  
Anonymous Dawn Davis said...

My dear sweet Scarlett, you have so much goodness in your life it's hard to see it with all the loss and pain you've experienced in the past 6 months. Trust in our beautiful Lord, as He has BIG plans for you. The day I met you, I knew this. I knew that you were an exceptional woman and like I've said to you in the past, I love watching you grow in this industry. You are a breath of fresh air. You're sweet, beautiful, talented and you are my sister in Christ. I believe in you. God believes in you. So many believe in you. Believe in yourself! When we ask God to bless us indeed and expand our territory, He does. And then we don't know how we'll ever get through all that comes our way, this is the time to ask Him to keep His hand on you and guide you through the times you don't think you can do alone. He will guide you from evil and do amazing things through you.

Sending you my love!

~ Dawn

August 23, 2009 at 5:37 PM  
Blogger Brooke Turner said...

what an amazing song. I love Kari Jobe. check out "the more I seek you"....brings me to my knees every time.

May we all come to a deeper understanding of the abundance in which we live! keep running hard after Him!

Brooke :)

August 23, 2009 at 6:06 PM  
Anonymous Gillian said...

Wow, I would've loved to be there ... maybe one year! It sounds fabulous and that song is just beautiful ... very touching ...nothing like waiting on the Everlasting God and letting Him hold us ...

August 24, 2009 at 12:34 PM  
Anonymous Beth Morgan said...

I love you sweet friend and I KNOW that God has amazing things in store for you. You are such a blessing and His fullness awaits for you to walk in.

August 24, 2009 at 5:20 PM  
Blogger Heather Behlendorf said...

Scarlett - thanks for sharing! It is always so refreshing to have some time to unplug;)

August 25, 2009 at 7:03 PM  
Anonymous GrayPhotography - Zach and Jody said...

Watching that video and hearing what you had to write, makes me wish I was there! Nothing better than some time out with a bunch of other women, and women who share the same love for photography and the Lord. Thanks for sharing (great work by the way!) - JG

August 25, 2009 at 11:06 PM  
Blogger Bethany Fegles Photography said...

Awesome post Scarlett! I'm so glad you posted this little video of this song. It has stopped me in my tracks in the midst of a busy, crazy, crying kind of day. :) Just what I needed! To turn my eyes off myself and onto Him.
I'm a good friend of Jane Johnson's and wish I could've been at that retreat too. I loved reading about it.
Blessings,
Bethany

September 3, 2009 at 3:41 PM  

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The images on this blog are the property of Scarlett & Stephen Photography. Images may not be reprinted without the permission of Scarlett Lillian.
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Jacksonville Senior Portrait Photographer also serving Ponte Vedra, St. Augustine, Amelia Island, Orange Park, Fernandina, Nocatee.
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